Saturday, 5 November 2011

Holosync


I put this all down to the short listen to holosync introduction alpha wave that I listened to most of just before I fell asleep.
Why am I writing this blog? as an online diary I guess, for me.

last nights dream.
I was at a baasketball game, I was sitting by myself, the people next to me found something interesting which I missed, and they joked about how I was by myself, where are my friends. I said over there, they told me to go away, so I did, saddened by their dissaproval, as I walked away I berated the one who offended me and off I went, I sat next to meegan and watched the game. On my left a child was on a mothers lap. The child climbed ontop of me, I was like ok... then the child went back to the mother who had moved. I then noticed famous people in the crowd doing their thing, I noticed how I made myself the centre of attention and how I was intruding on peoples privacy by doing this unnecaery behaviour. At one stage Jack Nicholson was going to help do something, we found ourselves outside a house. He arrived and I just found myself doing all this unpacking which sucked. He wasn't really helpful as I expected, and While he didn't appear to be hitting on the girl we were with, after we found ourselves explaining to her why she shouldnt be with him... Then we were in a small room, somewhere, apparently it was Bee's old house, she was barely there though. I was playing with lights which was distracting people and annoying, but it interested me. Then Anthony Keidis was there for some reason and I wanted to take a photo, cos my sister was sitting next to him and it looked Kodak like. Umm the there was one of the trestrails there who's name I forgot, and Michael my cousin, whos last name I forgot, and I asked mum who sarcastically said some random name.


Thursday, 3 November 2011

brief overview and today

So I took acid a year and a half ago, I'm now coming to terms to what I think has happened. I was never mr everything's sweet I have no problems, but these events shook my core. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, well right now I'm pretty pissed off with how bad my emotional health is, and now I guess is an improvement - I sure as hell haven't been feeling "strong" in a healthy sense. I've been working in trade for around 6 weeks, so that has forced me to learn to "communicate" better with people... I have so many little phrases and ideas I try to use to give me confidence and bounce through things instead of becoming a runaway train of anger or grotesque fuelled anxiety. I'm covering all bases and I'm not giving up. But todays was an idea I got from both a David Icke talk I saw the other day, and some research about catharsis and the primal scream. After a short meeting with a guy to discuss housing arrangements, I was left with the recently common experience of feeling the emotions I have left with the person I was just with, and those emotions being that of mistrust in me, due to me being vacant in trying to hide my "situation". So I drove to an empty deserted street in the hills and quietly said fuck, then a bit louder realising my emotions, and a couple more times. on the way home I was just angrily swearing and trying to release I guess, sounds a bit strange, but I guess I was trying to induce an emotional release. One of many tricks I've been using to get my self in shape emotionally. Now is day 2 of my 30 day sahaj marg challenge that I gave myself yesterday, so I'm off to clean then sleep. 5:30 wake up, run around the block, breakfast, meditate, off to work. try this on for size you fuck parasite. NOT WELCOME